and sometimes we feel really weird...

I feel really weird, weird amongst the people in my real life.. dress too weird, know what I like and don't too much, know who I am.. well that's weird also it seems.. my interests ..well got no one to share them with. Today my bf said.. well you are the only person on the planet that doesn't like that song right now.. I can't help that I don't like it. If I had a penny even for every time I was told that no one thinks what I do, or feels like I do.... well I would have sooo much money.. that I don't even want. Usually this is a negative thing, said to me to prove a point.. that I am only one and so I am wrong because I am not majority. It it was over such silly things as songs it would be so easy, if being in the minority wasn't far reaching and widespread.

At work in orientation we were asked for a show of hands who doesn't like money... in about 200 people I was the only person who raised my hand.

For those of you who don't know.. bikram studios can see a bit cult like.. well not the studio itself but Mr.Bikram certainly seems to have some cult like status.. I feel like a weirdo there too.. I don't buy everything he says.. some of it isn't even good science.. and I don't go to yoga to show my devotion to him... buddhists stopped using the mudra for adoration quite a while ago. I struggle to find my balance in the practice there because of this tho. I feel alone there because of that... I recognize some of the idealization from my upbringing, it's not comphy for me.

My optimistic ways, my love of living, my lack of fear for dying but only wanting it to come when it comes, not too soon not too late, just when it does.. I dunno all the stuff that goes on in my mind.. when I sit and think about things.. I feel really pretty weird indeed... like where do I fit and it feels like nowhere, I keep so much of what I think to myself.. because I know that it is not widely accepted nor would it be well received by many. And it's lonely, pretty lonely at times. It's the lack of being related to, or relating to others, not here so much.. you guys are awesome that way.

I know you guys feel like this a lot too. like a little too weird, or I dunno.. just off.. would it be easier to go with the flow of the others.. blend in.. I don't really mind the not fitting in part.. it's ok, the loneliness tho... I crave the deep connections, meeting of the souls.. and it's so hard to come by... here I have found that. But I still feel like I need the physical and I cannot make that happen...

If there is one thing in life I think I am lacking it is the meeting of the souls.. how does one fulfill that ? I have felt it before a long time ago... I will never forget the feeling.. I still get it with people here sometimes.. but I always pull myself back in because I think it's too weird anyways.. no I don't think it's too weird.. I think it weird others out. I don't know if any of this is really important.. but I think about it often. Maybe I am soul shy??

If we are all of one, and all connected how come I feel lonely at the soul? Ok this maybe better in the spiritual forum or something .. but I'd rather talk about it to people I know who know me back. This is something I would like to change.

Thanks for bareing with me if you read all that.