Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteClouds
Hi, I was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder approximately 2 months ago. I've been on and off meds for years. Nothing seemed to work. Finally my Therapist & Psychologist said I have Bipolar disorder, mixed state. Whatever that means.
I'm currently on Lithium & Prozac. So far so good. I have my good days and bad days. SO far I don't have the racing thoughts, forgetfulness, anxious, tense, irritable feelings anymore. I didn't used to be this way. My symptoms began when I was 24yrs old during my husbands deployment. Ever since then the symptoms have only gotten worse.
I'm embarrassed majority of the time. How can the lady known to keep it together, always polished, always the helper be so explosive in her home. God knows how many times my neighbors have heard my screaming, yelling rants that last hours on end. In my community I'm literally a pariah. I want to just hide myself sometimes. I'm so ashamed of how I am at times.
I've gone from very confident and sure of myself. To now I question everything I do. Does it make sense? Is this an episode? What will my quality of life be like? Does everyone think I am crazy? Will I ever be able to make connections with people again? Will people want to be my friend if they knew?
I'm hanging in there, one day at a time.
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That's all you can do, I've found, is take things a day at a time. My symptoms started in childhood, but I came from a family where appearances were important, so I learned to keep my emotions in check in public, plus I had a very domineering mother, and only one of us was allowed to have emotional outbursts, so that was her. I hid my temper tantrums in my room until I moved out on my own. Once I did, all the symptoms really came to the surface. No, you're not crazy, you just have a disorder. Given the right combination of medications, it can be controlled. And I wouldn't worry about what other people think, worry about what YOU think. If people are truly your friends, they will be your friends whether you are bipolar or not. It does make relationships a bit harder, but those who care will support you. And the quality of your life is, I'm discovering, what you make of it.
