Memory is a strange thing. I have a very strange kind of memory, I'm told I am the memory master. I have very detailed memory, people ask me about events and I can bring them forward with quite a good accuracy. People often tell me they cannot imagine I remembered that.

What those people don't see is that my memory is very hollow and detached. Detailed it can be. But it has absolutely no emotion to it. And when I come to think of it, it has no life. It is like a not very personal snapshot in time.

I think because I'm used to memory being that way, I'm not mentally set for anything else. I can feel a sense of overload just from everything I remember.

So when I remember something life like, it becomes like a flashback. It feels like I'm there. And it scares me in a way because I feel I'm that age and have come no further in life and for some odd reason that just scares the heck out of me. I feel the thereness so strong.

In the past, only music could bring me back. I had to stop listening to some music that I listened a lot to during certain eras in my life. Because it warped me back. But it was just those times and overall I viewed myself as having a very hollow memory.

These days more things come to life of my memories. For some reason it is scary and feels horrible. Just because it is so life like.

Maybe part of the fear is that I never had emotional memories so I'm not at all used to them.

Maybe my brain finally matured for me to have memories that feel more alive. I have matured in other ways late in life.

For me, I suspect it has something to do with being a spectrum person. I don't have any trauma or anything like that. Still, just the process of memory is very interesting. And sometimes scary.