I feel exactly the same. Until a few weeks ago, I thought I had finally conquered my life long depression with a whole combination of things -- the "right" antidepressant, exercise, light box, therapy, etc. Then, the bottom just fell out for no reason I could even specify. I was doing everything the exact same!

Now I "push" myself through things because it's all my therapist knows to tell me to do. My p-doc doesn't want to throw more drugs at me. I've been through the spectrum. I have almost 3 years of continuous sobriety, go to AA, go to church, volunteer, etc. But suddenly the bottom fell out, anyway, and I became suicidal again. Which is utterly impossible since I still have one child left at home.

I guess the right word is "anhedonia" because *nothing* interests me except sitting/laying down and tv (sometimes drifting through message boards.) My fear of leaving the house is great but I have to do it anyway.