When I was younger my depression was a lot worse than it is now. Back then I didn't care about myself, other people, the present, the future or anything else. Everyday felt like a chore. But I never contemplated suicide. The one thing that always kept me going was the hope that I could make my life better somehow. I didn't know how I would do it but I knew I had to. You have to fight for that whatever it is. I can't remember much of anything from that time but I do remember that much.

As far as God goes maybe you should ask for the strength to get through your bad times. A clear mind is so much more important than the things that you plan to do with it.