I had stopped cutting for almost a month until last saturday.....
The only reason I had stopped was because Im due to be a bridesmaid at the end of the month and couldnt have my arms all mangled like they usually are.
But... I got drunk and took a bottle of pills while at my moms house and hacked away all over my leg, which I berely even remember doing. But I do remember how much better I felt and how well I slept after that. That had been building up so much and it finally flowed out and I felt so much better.
I actually thought I had gotten a handle on it, but the combination of the fact that it'd been so long since id done it and I am currently reading BLOODLETTING, a memoir about a girl who cuts. I think that really triggered me.
Now I'm back to checking out books about self-harm and suicide obsessively, like I did today. When I start doing this is when things start going downhill FAST and i turn up in an acute ward.
I just want to remain cut-free on my arms at least until the wedding because I couldnt handle the stares and questions from her family and friends. The dress just HAD to be strapped didnt it?!
Also, I still have some pretty bad burn scars and cut scars that are still visible, even from years ago. Makeup? Would that help or just rub off on my black dress?
I need help...