Hello Sum12u,
I can relate to your post in a few ways. My wife and I recently separated afer a total of 23 yrs together. I was not the good communicator or listener. I held things inside and did not share my pain out of fear and low self esteem. She begged me to get help and all I did was go deeper inside to hide.
I began seeking relationships online to escape the pain I was causing at home and of course that didnt go so good.
I too have been reading and posting and doing all the self help stuff.
I just got to a place where I realized that no matter what I have done wrong in the past, I am a human being and I do have worth. Some days I have a hard time believing it, but I won't allow myself to quit moving forward each day on a road to recovery.
I have a daughter who loves her daddy and I will not let her down!
Hopefully you can find someone or something to motivate you to keep trying and never give up!