Quote:
Originally Posted by chandlerT660
I also feel like I've wasted my life. I'm 29 and have nothing to show for it. I have a degree in culinary arts that is essentially useless because I can't handle to stress of the kitchen. I'm on disability for depression. I don't have a car, I don't have a nice apartment. My family has made me out to be the black dog. I really don't talk to my family because they think I'm just using the system for my gain. If I could work I would. I have loads and loads of debt that I don't ever think will be payed off. I have constant thoughts of suicide as well as other thoughts of harming myself. I feel so bad that I can't even fathom having a relationship. I feel so lonely. Nobody seems to care, or I am so far gone I can't tell. I would love to go back to school, but I have to shed my current load debt before I do that. I just feel that I'm wasting away, and not in margaritaville.
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Chandler, I can relate to everything you are going through. My family looks at me like i'm the black sheep too. I'm the only one really struggling as far as having a decent place to live and a vehicle goes, and the only one that hasn't really accomplished anything. I haven't told anyone except my uncle that i am on disability. They may suspect it but i haven't said anything and they don't ask. I know they would think that i just don't want to work either. I am in debt as well and i'm still accumulating more debt from doctors bills that my insurance isn't paying and the copays i can't really afford. I hate living like this, not having enough money to just have necessities even never mind some decent clothes. But i know that if right now i tried to work it would be a disaster. I can barely stand being around people, how would i deal with working with people. I feel for you because i don't want to live this way and i wish sometimes i would just not wake up or die in an accident or illness. I just want the pain to go away. I know thats what you want too. I don't know what advice to give you except keep talking to people on here or look into a group in your area for people with depression. Are you seeing a therapist? That would be helpful. I'm hanging in there by a thin thread myself. I just try to do what i can just to get through each day. TV has become my friend. I'm praying for you and you can pm me if you want to talk. Take Care of yourself.
Anjelmarie