I wrote a very very very good letter. A water tight letter. Ran it by a friend who approved it. Did not go into any symmetry except for one - if D ever mends his r/s with his wife, I would be happy for him as he won't be alone, and my being sure that I would be happy for him entitles me to the expectation that he would be happy for me now. He responded with "sure, I am happy for you". And since then he has been extra nice. And yesterday I went to a bead store to pick out orange beads (she said she prefers orange) made from resin and tonight with those beads I will go to a class during which I will make a necklace to give to his wife as a Christmas present.

The key to success was writing in such a way that set very clear expectations for his response without leaving any room for maneuver.