Trigger possible.....

These last months of the year are hard for me to deal. What with birthdays and family time and my past, it just doesn't add up to a pretty number. This month would have been a celebration for my child if I wouldn't have chosen what I did 4 years 6 months 18 days ago. I'm wondering what she'd be like... how my life would be different... who would be in my life...would I have told or ran away...what would I be? I wish I knew... I wish I would stop blaming myself. I was r$ped plain and simple. It doesn't matter who the daddy was. There was no love and no consent......
I'm sorry. I just needed to get it out. I can still feel that inside is in an uproar over this, probably cause the host don't know. I guess she will if she reads.