Another post is similiar to my situation, but I need seperate advice. I have noticed when I start to get depressed again, I start reading books about cutting, depression, suicide, etc. Most are memoirs although I do have a few books on cutting which are meant to help. Right now, I just finished A Bright Red Scream and am moving on to another book about cutting. I am away at college now and my depression is slipping back into its place again. I started cutting again a while back but since I have gotten here, its worse now. I am afraid to go to counseling again for fear of a repeat of what happened a couple years ago (got caught cutting in high school....they told police who then had to talk to me and they did many other things which I feel have somewhat traumatized me.) This is a christian school and last year, a boy was kicked out for being gay >its a rule in the handbook. I am afraid they could kick me out too if for some reason I seemed a "harm" to myself so I have chosen to seek guidance off campus. I admit thought, I am terrified. Any suggestions/advice on how to get the guts to go through with it? I called my mom yesterday and asked her to call a place around here and schedule an appointment for me (she doesnt know I am back to my old self, but rather that I just want to stay in counseling) because I will not make an appointment myself.