When I knew I was about to be fired, I promised myself that I would keep myself on a routine rather than staying up super late working on projects and then sleeping into the afternoon.

And I promised myself that I would not nap. For a while, I was napping every day at lunchtime. Partially because I was tired all of the time due to sleep apnea, and partially because I was depressed.

Today (Monday) began my third week of being home since getting fired.

Over the last few days, I have not been tired at all when it's time to go to bed.

This worries me because staying up all night is one of the things I do when hypomania sets in. I get more creative later in the day. I used to tell myself it was just the way my internal clock worked, and I should just go with it rather than trying to pin myself into an 8-to-5 schedule.

I'm still on my meds. Haven't skipped any doses.

But since I started back on meds last August, I have not headed toward hypomania at all.

I've wished that the hypomania would come back. Even a tiny touch of it. I miss my creativity. I want it back.

I'm supposed to see my pdoc again in February. He knew I was losing my insurance so he said we'll try to meet each quarter to see how I'm doing. That way, I can save up. The 20-minute appointment with no insurance will be $95, and the meds without insurance will be $150.

If this lack-of-being-tired thing sticks around, I'm probably going to have to call and see about coming in earlier.

I've got Ambien, but I don't want to rely on it. I take it maybe 2 or 3 times a week. He said it's not addictive if you don't take it every night. The other night, I took one Tylenol PM instead.

Another thing that worries me is I'm not jumping out of bed in the morning when the alarm goes off. I'm setting the alarm on my phone for 1 hour and then lying there. Usually I can't go back to sleep. I'm just a blob for a while.

Then I get that weird, uncomfortable feeling like I've been in bed way too long. It's kind of like that feeling when you've had a cold or the flu and you've been in bed for a few days and you get to the point where you're so tired of being in bed.