I use to read the books on suicide but they would actually help me, kind of stand in for my own personal depressed, anxious thoughts. But I discovered all that by thinking about why I was actually reading them, what I got from them. Could be your reading is "good" for you too, serves as a marker when you're starting to have problems and holds your "place" for a bit?

If you've been in counseling before then you have a little idea how it works. Maybe write out what you want to discuss in the first session, how you want to say things, even print out your post here to give you courage or remind you? Make a deal with yourself to just give it a try and not decide anything for 3-5 sessions? Look at your symptoms as symptoms and not the problems itself and try to relax a bit. "You" and your body are doing their best for you. Our symptoms seem negative but are actually helping us and we didn't pick them at random. That's why different people have different diagnoses/problems. Look at it like a "mystery" and at yourself and therapists as a top notch detective team working to solve the case.