Today I am appearing to try but it's pointless and still will not acount for nothing nor amount nor make any difference to my existance or life. Part of me wan'ts to stop this all so very much yet my body cut's my mind off some how by not allowing my mind to cut short my existance still I lurk in the background the one big stain of a human am the only mark I will ever make in life is that of a mess and waste. I don't want to make any ark in life but to blissfully muddle on like most people do in a job as you do then get old ect. I can't even do that I don't even know why I put myself through this considering I don't want to and therefore I will always be horrible and of no good to anything or one. It's not like my lfie this that bad I can't short of get away with it I suppose but not for long... the hardest part is putting myself back out there properly and properly attemping life again.