(((Rose))),

Ok, you have to take some slow deep breaths and make sure you don't set your mind up for "reacting". What you just said about "anticipating" your brother stepping all over what you did. Ok, that is a big challenge for someone with PTSD, I really struggle with that myself. So you have to not "plan" your reaction, you have to make up your mind that whatever he does you are not going to allow it to be a personal threat. Remember, you are the one in "control of you" and you don't have to take it the bad way.

Rose, just so you know, I am working on this myself, so I really know the challenge.
I just came off a long weekend and my husband is the kind of man that tends to "talk over" others, especially me. However, I also have a troubled history there as well, so that brings and extra challenge. What other people DO NOT SEE OR UNDERSTAND, is that often it has nothing to do with the CONTENT OR TOPIC but the fact that I am in a situation where someone is "disrespecting my space". And this is all about "boundaries" that get crossed where other people do not realize what it actually taking place. Often what ends up happening is "I am the one that looks like the loon or is over-reacting". And often it is the "content" that other people look at and not the "personal boundary crossing" I am experiencing.

Just so you know Rose, you do have people that do see and respect the fact that what you are about to be challenged with has nothing to do with what is really on the walls, but how your brother will be "testing your boundaries and establishing his".

OK, now, you do know this is going to take place, but you have to understand that what you are going to be challenged with is "your brothers issues, faults, and self esteem problems" and not yours.

So whatever he does Rose, you have to now work on your "skills" and this is not about "giving in", but about you stepping up to the plate and seeing him as a spoiled little child now and "he" is the one that needs the "mothering". You have done this many times with him in your past, so you do know it works with him, you just never realized "why" or how shallow he really is as a person. You did on some level, but you thought that on some level he "understood you" and "cared about you". Now you know he doesn't know how to do that and what he does need from you is "adoration".

What you are about to begin to learn is "self empowerment" Rose, not being "victimized". You just have not gotten to the level of allowing yourself to get past the stage of being bitten. Well, now you are going to do that, and, you are going to become a "snake charmer".

Remember Rose, your brother is the one that is broken and he doesn't really know he is the snake that can be "toxic". YOU have to know it now and practice your abilities to see it and rise above it instead of "absorbing" hurt for something that isn't really "your fault at all".

This is what I had to learn about my sister too. It was a challenge for me Rose because by observing her in a different way, I did see how I suffered from "her" problems unknowingly. But now I am learning to talk to her differently where "I" am the one that has more knowledge about "her weaknesses" and all I do is pretty much give her what she needs because of "her issues". Yes, I had done that alot in my past too, as a victim, but now I don't let myself go there, I now see it differently.

I am learning that I cannot "fix" her problems either, and that "she" only sees "herself" and she often just "cannot see me". A lot of people are like that Rose, and just because people are "unable" to see you and have to be the ones that "need the most adoration", doesn't mean you are going to "be the victim".

So Rose, when you go to work and anyone chooses to pick on your work, you have to step up to the plate and put yourself "above" that person by recognizing that it has nothing to do with the content/work or you, but "their need" and "lack of self esteem". And in doing so, and seeing "their need" because they lack "self esteem" you begin to learn how to become the snake charmer you need to be so you can get yourself slowly out of that "snake pit".

Up to this point Rose, you have always taken the "victim stance" in these situations.
And that was "not" your fault because you grew up around people that "only see themselves and thrive on adoration because they have very fragile self esteem issues".

Once you make up your mind and learn how to "be the snake charmer" you will slowly be taking the steps you need to take to "self empowerment". It is confusing at first because you may think what you are doing is "allowing yourself to be the victim" but you are not doing that now, because you know the game and the snakes now. You might as well practice honing these skills now Rose, because they will come in handy in the future as there are surely a lot of people that are like your brother out there in this world.

It is a challenge when you have PTSD too Rose, yes, I totally understand. But you have to allow yourself to rise above that slowly and as you do, you will also see the PTSD symptoms lesson. And it "will be" babysteps for a while and lots of self soothing and remaping your mind. It is alot like suddenly tieing your shoes in a completely different way, you will have to pay attention to how you do it for a while until you establish that new way in your mind.

So think about this Rose, you are no dummy and I know you are perfectly capable of doing this. It is going to be a challenge but allow yourself to "observe" now. Observe your brother with this new mindset, and observe yourself and you are going to see it all and that path of "self empowerment" will also slowly reveal itself to you.

(((Hugs))))
Open Eyes