Yesterday I did not forget (I mean, I did not have a problem with my short term memory). In fact, I enjoyed sex (except that I could not orgasm) and I was able to focus on what we were doing, which is a big change since usually in my mind I draft letters to my children (who do not live with me) and, in my mind as well, discuss them with my lawyer or T, and that does not permit me to focus on sex at all. But yesterday, I actually enjoyed and was present and mindful, so - hallelujah. But, I was too shy to initiate a fellatio. Funny, no, a 42 year old woman who is too shy. Amazing. He was super nice, brought lovely scarlet roses without any special occasion, and totally deserved a fellatio.

I did not have this problem before. Never. In fact, my sexual debut was with a fellatio, followed by vaginal sex only after more than a whole year. And now, I am shy. So weird.

I am just experiencing one problem after another, literally mounting one on top of another! If not this then that. If not Geodon with sexual side effects, then Topamax, lovely. If not having mental conversations with a lawyer during sex, then being shy about a fellatio... unbelievable.

At any rate, he is leaving for a month today and until January I have time to think about this new problem of mine.

Has anyone been sexually shy?