Hey Rainbow, have you tried the "Find a Provider" feature on the Blue Cross website? That ought to help give you names of people nearby. It's great to have referrals, but sometimes, you just have to jump in, I'm afraid.

My first pdoc was at the university where I did my PhD, and was basically randomly assigned to me. I did like her though, she certainly wasn't a therapist but she was really smart and straightforward, which is what I want in someone who's about to put psychoactive chemicals in my body. She also didn't pressure me to go up or down or try something new if I didn't want to yet. Those are good things to ask about in an intake. So it's not the end of the world if you wind up with a total stranger. Eventually, I ended up being quite sad to have to leave her when I graduated.

My current pdoc was recommended by my sort-of-exT, and she's great. But I have the benefit of being in an area that is crawling with biomedical professionals, so many are bound to accept my insurance.

Definitely try the Blue Cross website, and ask your internist.

Another thing I wanted to add was that if you do try meds, I would remind that you plan to stick with them for at least two weeks, because it can take that long for side effects to even out. For my first week on Wellbutrin, I felt like I was high on speed or something, as if at any given time of day I had just had three shots of espresso. That eventually wore off, and I then went through a short bout of depression, which also went away. Now, it's generally my pattern that when I change doses I feel high for a day or two, low for a day or two, then stable. Overall, I do want to stress that you don't have to commit to anything at all. This isn't a choice you are tied to forever. I just want to say that side effects are very common, but also that they can disappear after a little while, and it's worth waiting to see.

I get the fear associated with drugs. I bet some of it is a fear of change, which my first pdoc pointed out. She asked me if I was a little bit afraid to be happy, and I admitted that I was, because I had no idea what that would be like. Would that really be ME? A happy person? It was so different, and that's really scary. But just keep reminding yourself that you are TRYING it. You don't have to stick with it and it's your right to decide you don't want to do it for any reason at all.

But trying meds is hands down one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself. Hands down. I wish I had done it much, much sooner.