I was at my uncle's mother's memorial last month and went thru something similar. I did not drink, but I had to walk to the car because I had a panic episode. People I did not know there, except my uncle and his gf, and, of course, Bruce my roommate.

I was scared they thought I was strange, I felt weird eating their food, too; felt like some bum freeloading food. Just my stupid bpd thoughts, probably. I really did feel like I had no business being there.

If I had not been to so many AA meetings (maybe their influence has affected me; not an alcoholic, but have been applying AA to my bpd problem) I might have done the same, drank and drank.

That social anxiety or whatever; fear of being around strangers and lots of them. Just feels so exposing.

And, absolutely---those questions---are easy ones for "nons" (person without bpd) and for ppl that do not have mental illnesses, esp that stymie their social life---but are very very hard ones for us. And sometimes they are impossible to answer properly. I know how awkward that is.

thanks and love,

Carol