My mom is a former teacher who gone insane about 10 years ago. She thinks that all the schoolchildren she was teaching are now dead because of her bad teaching. And now she thinks that other people are dying too. Her hallucinations are definitely worry her so much you can't even talk to her freely. She always sees things like coffins, all the buildings seem to be wrecked to her. And every thing she sees she always thinks it is due to all the people are dead because of her and the rest of the people planning on how to kill her eventually. She did try to commit suicide few times. It was really scary. Once, I was living with my parents, dad found her.
Mother was rescued.

Usually she spends about 1 or 2 months per year in mental hospital. But after the latest suicide commitment she is in the hospital for about 1 year already. I'm visiting her every week and it comes so hard. She really believes what she thinks. And she really thinks she's seeing me for the last time because they will kill her soon. She gets very strong medication yet when I meet her she looks so excited and at the same time suppressed.

I realize that probably she can never recover and will remain her current state. The thing is when I get back home I literally crying for one whole day imagining she is thinking her terrible thought right at this moment. And she really does all the time. I realize her life is a nightmare. And I am crying more and more. The last time I've been in the hospital on Saturday. I was crying all the Saturday and Monday literally. And I cry every evening before I fall asleep. I am starting to be scared about myself already. I just feel like a want to cry all the time. And I can do nothing about it. Sometimes I starting to think it is better to let her die next time she has a remission if she tries to commit suicide again.

Other problems here are that my dad found another woman. So my mom just cannot return to her own home. And my mom sometimes can think quite clearly. She understands she cannot be back home and also says she ruined my life. She cannot do anything about her mental illness. Nobody can do anything. For me it is also a problem to find a girl because once she wants me to show her my parents I'm breaking the relationship. I just don't know what to say. I have something to hide. Even my friends don't know about my mother. It is possible to put her in the mad house (or lunatic asylum, not sure how does it called) but in this case I will only be able to see her once a month or so. And anyway I am going to cry until she dies.

How would you handle this?

If this is a topic for another forum can one of the moderator please put it in the right place?

Thanks!