I'm going to post my session in bits and pieces because I'm having a hard time processing and my work schedule is going to be hectic today. I'm going to try to relay my session chronologically. In my opinion, attitude and actions were more important in the beginning and at the end. Words were more important in the middle of the session. I did receive some truth during the session.

I talked about my session with my H, who is the most logical person I know. I sent T an email after my last session, telling her how I perceived the session and asked her for an extra appointment. I read the email to H and he said that while she could have taken it critically, her reaction was disproportionate. It was not manipulative. I followed my pattern of assuming the worst, but once again, H stated that the reaction was inappropriate and if he ever needed therapy, he would not be able to work with her.

The biggest issue following this session is that I can't decide if T is too personally involved in my case, has something significant going on in her personal life that's affecting her work, or if she is just plain bat-s**t crazy right now for whatever reason. I would appreciate any feedback you can give!

I sat down in the waiting room and she came around the corner and loudly said my name. She didn't look at me as I entered her office and ignored me for a full minute fiddling with something at her desk before sitting down in her chair. This conversation commenced:

T: So?
Me: So...what?
T: *Silently glares at me.*
Me: Are you referring to my email?
T: Yes. How do you feel about it today?
Me: I don't care (she did not allow me to speak after these words).

She exploded: "Well fine then. That's your choice. If you don't care about it anymore, there's certainly nothing I can do about it." She positioned herself in her chair somewhat sideways, crossed her arms, turned her head slightly toward me, narrowed her eyes, and glared at me breathing heavily.

She was angry. While she was sitting there, her face turned red, a vein on her forehead popped out, and she began to break out in red splotches on her face and neck. I had never seen her react this way and it frightened me. I didn't know what to do. I worried that the next thing that was going to come out of her mouth was going to be, "get out...I'm done with you."

Thankfully, she did not, but instead began to scold me like a child (speaking very quickly in a raised voice). "You're just following your typical pattern. Either I'm the best thing in the world or I don't mean anything to you. When are you ever going to learn not to react that way? Either things are wonderful or they're crap. Well you know what, life sucks sometimes and that's never going to change!"

Woah. In my email, I never said that she didn't mean anything to me. I stated that I perceived her last session as aloof and distant. I also said I knew it may not have been about me. It was also not the reason why I said, "I don't care."

Finally, I said (calmly but firmly), "T, please let me finish my sentence. 'I don't care' wasn't the entirety of it. I want to tell you why I don't care. I think you've misunderstood me. I don't care about the email anymore because I got past it. I did have to numb my feelings somewhat to do so, but I moved on. In fact, by yesterday, I was enjoying the change in my job. I was working with my old clients again. I've missed them. I realized also that through this therapy process, I've learned confidence. I was able to look my soon-to-be-employees in the eye and tell them what I expect and what they need to expect from me."

I will continue this later as I need to get ready for work. I appreciate any and all opinions. I also understand if people would like to hear about the whole session before replying. Thank you, PC friends.