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Old Dec 12, 2012, 12:26 PM
Syra Syra is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Dec 2012
Location: California
Posts: 2,248
I had something similar happen to me. My T took something I said and turned it in to way more than I said, got defensive, then judgmental and blaming towards me. I was so attached to her I continued for three months to try and work things out. (there were some good things in the three months). Eventually she told me she needed a break. I was stunned and hurt, but thought I would go back after a little while, but things never worked out.

I think they never worked out because I think there were some very wrong things going on - and things I couldn't see until I was at a distance, as I was too attached to see things. I think something had triggered her that she wasn't owning, and probably didn't recognize. She didn't own them and recognize them because she's human, among other reasons. But it's also become apparent to me that if I had return to her for therapy, I would have had to shut down part of myself that triggered her until she dealt with her stuff. Despite being so attached that I couldn't see some things, I'm glad I had enough of myself left that I wouldn't cross certain boundaries (like say I was wrong when I didn't think I was. or let her put words in my mouth and accept them). And it was that integrity I had with myself that I think eventually precipitated the "break" which eventually she ended with a "Dear John" letter.

I'm with a new therapist now and the break turned out to be a very good thing, although incredibly difficult.

I can accept that T's are human and make mistakes. But if their mistakes and weaknesses impact my therapy in a detrimental manner, then it's time for me to change. I think if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have tried so long and hard to work things out, but I would still try to work things out. What I love MOST about my new therapist is how incredibly easy it is to talk about problems between him and me. He's very open and not defensive. It allows more of me to be present and I see more of myself than if I had to work harder to resolve things (like I did with the previous one). I've learned that for me, if I have problems again, the important thing is not that the T may have messed up, it's whether we can talk honestly about what happened, and what is mine, and what is his (without actually spending time on his stuff in my session, just him owning it so it can get past it).
Thanks for this!
Chopin99, unaluna