Hey yall. First I want to thank yall for all your support and hugs as well. It took a lot of encouragement from others to go where I went emotionally.

I showed my H what was in the previous post and let him read it. It contained words I just can't say. I can write them though. Strange how that is. But he read it and was sure to keep his distance and give me lots of personal space. He was distant in conversation which I'm pretty sure had to do more taking my feelings into consideration. But I knew he didn't mean to remind me of a more scary time in my life. But now he realizes he did.

We had T last night. In T we talked about how things have changed. Considering where we have been in our relationship it says enormous amounts about the since of safety that I feel now compared to 2 months ago even and that can be seen by my ability to tell him all of this. 2 mo ago there'd be no way I could tell him this. I didn't feel safe. I do not know what impact this will have on our relationship except that I think it will now hurt it.

I have a few visits coming up w/ just me and the T. I am a little nervous about that. It is the first time she has requested me come separately. I do trust my T completely. I'm afraid of the truth, I'm afraid of what the future may hold. I'm afraid of what is being withheld inside of me that will potentially come out. But I opened the door and walked threw it. I fully trust my T to help me keep moving forward threw the door and to what ever path it leads.

For now I am so very sleepy. I'm taking a nap w/ my little one. Hopefully no dreams but if there is maybe it will just add to the healing.

Thank you all again for all your support