CE, different people can require different things to find that middle ground. Using my kids as an example, I could correct my daughter with a quiet, "Sweetie, don't do that." I never even had to say "No" to her. With my son, it took, "You QUIT that right this minute. STOP. NOW." With my horses, I had one that I could not raise my voice to without reducing her to a quivering puddle. With another, I had to literally beat on her with a lead rope to keep her from running me over.

Not everyone can be invited into the middle ground and have it work. Some people can get there is a gentle, 'please stop doing that.' Others are going to need to figuratively get shoved. At least that's what I think. Every person is different and will require different things if they are actually going to learn the lesson and learn to do things differently. If the T just keeps standing there, inviting, and it's not working, and the T never tries anything new and different, you end up being one of those people who is in therapy for years and years without making any significant changes.