Quote:
Originally Posted by My kids are cool
Chopin, I was thinking about your experience, and several other people's experiences with their T's changing boundaries. I know that others may disagree, but I do not think changing boundaries as therapy progresses is per se a bad thing. The problem is when your T does it abruptly, angrily or without explanation.
I have rehabbed a number of abused animals. There are things that I will tolerate from an abused animal in the beginning, that I will not tolerate later in training. There is a trainer I really admire, and this is a quote from him: "On a green horse, one that's kind of troubled, I might let them cuddle up to me because it's not a disrespect, they're looking for some support and comfort. But then gradually I know part of the process is that I put him back on the end of the led rope and say, see if you can stay out there and still feel my comfort from out there. But I won't ask him to stay for long. I work my way toward everything I get in small increments, a little bit at a time."
So, your T has let you cuddle, figuratively and literally. Your therapy has progressed and she's trying to get you further away on the lead rope. She's doing it too quickly and with too much emotion. Maybe framing the discussion this way with her next time might be productive for you both?
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Thank you...this "different thinking" is exactly what I want.
I know therapy will end one day. I want it to end. I want it to end when I find healing. Whether realistic or not, T promised me I would find complete healing. I expected that as I gain skills, increase confidence in my learned skills, and deal with past wounds, that T would gradually pull away. It's natural. It's how children are supposed to be raised IMO. Your allegory resonates with me.
If I'm indeed being pushed out of the nest (which T insisted she was not doing), my own allegory would be with child raising. I feel as if I am 12 years old. I have received wonderful parenting up until this point. Then, I am kicked out of the house and told I have to get a job and find a place to live on my own. I do change better if it's gradual. I'm 12, teach me the skills to get a job and find a place to live because that's what I want to do one day. I'll get a job at 15 or 16 and move out when I'm 18.
True story: my dad thought he could teach me how to swim by throwing me in the Intracoastal Waterway (with a life preserver) at age 2. That didn't go over very well. As far as I knew, I was terrified of water. Any subsequent attempts at teaching me how to swim as a child terrified me and I resisted. When I was 18, I decided I was going to learn how to swim because I did not want to be afraid of water anymore. Two patient friends taught me how to swim over several weeks. Gradually. Now I am not afraid of water and I can swim enough to keep myself alive.
I realize that if I stay with T, I'm going to have to put up with a few of her issues/quirks. From what she tells me, she is WAY over-involved in her 26-year-old daughter's life. T's story and my story parallel in many areas. I asked her one time if I reminded her of herself at a younger age. Her answer was, "I don't know." I know she cares deeply about me. There are times she has gone over and above what she needed to do to help me. Hopefully, we can get on the same page.