Thank you for your reply. I hid my dep. from him for ages, not letting on how bad it really is. I know I need help, it's not going to come knocking. I just can't make that step to get it. To not have left my bed, dressed or showered ( rarely bother) or spoke to a single person other than my son who lives at home is scary.

I don't think this guy makes me dep. Whatever happens I've agreed to see him fri ( 14th ). I think I'll just have to ' have it out ' with him, although he is rubbish at talking about feelings. I need to get help for my dep. and be strong.

The reunion sex issue, has me pulled both ways. I know he will try to get me to succumb, and a cuddle would just I know lead to sex. Part of me wants that, I miss sex, but part of me wants to hold back until we establish some sort of 'plan'.
Afterall this time, I feel in need of a plan now.

I desperately need to try to get help for my dep. I want a life again. Without this place here (PC) , the friends I've made on here, I would connect with no one.

I want a life back, and one that includes this guy, although you all think I should walk away.

I do take all your views and advice onboard.
Thank you.