You are right, the holidays can be extremely painful for people that are already in crisis. Its a time when family is supposed to get together, and for people with depression and emotional pain, its a reminder of what we either never had or lost along the way.

I know that cutting seems to take some of the pain away, but its only a bandage. For some its the release of endorphins. For others, it gives the feeling that they are getting the punishment they think they deserve. All it really does is hide the real problem and give you more guilt because you are doing something that society says is wrong, sick, whatever. I'm glad you have a therapist. Cutting is difficult to stop, and the sooner it can be brought under control, the better off you will be. '

Nights are always harder. Its quiet, and the mind tends to wander into places it shouldn't go. Hospitals often have more walkins at night because whatever the person has been dealing with, just seems worse at night. Panic sets in and there are less options for help during the night.

Please hold out as long as you can. Every day that you can go without cutting is a victory. Sometimes knowing why you cut is not enough. I wish i could take some of your pain for you. If you need to cry, cry. No one has to know that you have been crying. Your family is probably more aware of what is going on than you think. People are uncomfortable talking about strong, emotional feelings and behavior that is outside their realm of experience. They cannot comprehend having an urge to injure yourself and don't know how to deal with it. Sometimes I think the families of cutters need counselling just as much as the cutter instead of just pretending it isn't happening.

Sam2