My reply to his message:

Betray you? Is that even possible? How long has it been that you've been going through a divorce? Since 2008 as far as I recall. And love me? no you don't know what love is. You need help.

The response I sent later:

If you want honest, here it is. You are a very sick person. The crap that happened in your childhood has had a huge impact on who you are and how you function. You would rather use sex to feel pleasure than face the pain of whatever it is you need to deal with. I allowed myself to get wrapped into the illusion of escape and the promise of a future that never existed because it was never uttered in reality.

What I loved was the feeling of acceptance. The idea that I was lovable by somebody that I long admired. I loved that somebody felt I was worth standing up for, worth listening to.

I was very sick for a very long time. I finally got off all the meds. I don't need to alter my reality no matter how painful that is. If I check out of reality, deny what I've been through or how that has affected me, then I am no better than those who hurt me. I have done a disservice to myself for far too long and I can no longer be a passive non-participant in life.

I do care for you, always have. I want the best for you. You are not a bad person, you are sick. You need to address whatever it is that you have been running from for so long.

I have to take care of myself and I am truly sorry if that hurts you. I have to protect my heart no matter how much I want to help you and love you and be there for you, there are things that only I can do for me.

The old saying "to have Joy you put Jesus first, Others second, and Yourself last". That's total bullsht. If you put yourself after everybody and everything else then there is nobody to take care of what only you can. Nobody else is going to feed you, clothe you, bathe you.

I did not share any texts/emails/pics with (your wife). I do have them all, but that was between you and me. You need to first make things right with yourself, then with God, then with those you hurt. I hope you rise to be the good man that you are capable of being.

~ I felt compelled to send this given his history of suicidality. I do care for his well-being. I know that he had a very rough childhood, lost his sister in a car accident and was molested by several baby sitters. He's always claimed it wasn't molestation because his body responded. I don't believe that to be true. Bodies respond to physical stimulation, but like me, he has found it easier to deal with by trying to believe that he wanted/deserved it. But just like me, nobody deserves/wants it. I do not feel responsible should he take his own life. He is a grown adult and has made his own choices. And even if I do have the right to sue it is not the right thing for me to do.