Thanks for the support and encouragement, Ozzie & Sunshine (my husband calls me Sunshine ;-) isn't that sweet?

That's good to know about the other drugs like Lexapro. I am going to call a med management psych office today and see if I can't get an appointment because last night I had a little anxiety and OCD after watching a show on HBO called "Real Autopsy". I should mention that one of my OCD fears is the fear of death for myself, in addition to worrying that harm will come to my loved ones and pets. I am quite obsessed with death and strangely I am also fascinated with the medical side of things. I have no problem watching surgeries or looking through forensic pathology books (which I did the other day and man oh man there were some gruesome photos in there...). But anyway, this show I watched last night wasn't just medical in nature-- it also told an in depth story about how this young married couple from Canada went around torturing and murdering victims, including the bride's sister who was raped by both of them! A young woman raping her own sister! I was horrified, as I often am when I hear stories of brutality (I never watch the news or read the paper for this reason). So anyway, I kept trying to change the channel but I was riveted and I have to have closure so I waited til that story was over and shut off the TV. Then I got all freaked out because I wasn't in my own home with my husband-- I am a pet sitter and I was doing a sleepover in a client's house. I started worrying that someone would break in and do something unspeakable to me. But-- I talked myself out of it! I'm so pleased by that because normally my brain is like a snowball rolling down a hill and before I know it, I'm clammy and breathing hard and pacing, etc. But I decided to try to think logically about it and I said things like, "Okay, this big dog always barks when there's a noise outside. That would be a warning and if she doesn't bark, I'll know I'm safe." And I have pepper spray, so that gives me some sense of safety... etc. etc. But it took me about an hour to calm down enough to go to sleep. And I was still a little anxious in my sleep so I think it's time to get back on meds. I'm also experiencing some pretty bad back pain recently and that's making me anxious. Part of my OCD is... what do you call it? Hypochondria. I keep thinking something terminal is wrong with me. Like cancer. Today I woke up and ran to the computer thinking I have fibromyalgia... I'm really tired of my brain acting like it does. I wish I could take it out and leave it in a cupboard for a day. Ha ha!

Sorry I think I just babbled. I think that's part of my OCD too. I always feel like I have to tell every morsel of information or something bad will happen if a morsel is missing... Aye aye aye...

Have a peaceful day, everyone. I'm going to call a dr. right now...

-k.