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I read the whole thing. My heart aches for you, and yet I also see strength and am proud of you. Maintaining what you know in the face of a judging therapist can be very difficult. Telling others is also scary - well, it was for me. It sounds unbelievable. I suspect I might question it, thinking how could she be that unaware and judgmental if she has a lot of experience and you are clearly attached to her. But I've BTDT - I think. I don't tell exactly the same story. But close enough. A therapist blaming and judging me and not being aware of her own feelings and her issues intruding on my therapy. Withdrawing from me while saying she isn't. So I know it can happen. That person is not my therapist anymore - that was due to her decisions until eventually I got a "Dear John" letter. I didn't want that, although I wasn't willing to do the few things she asked along the way. That would have required me to hide or repress something major about me and my experience of everything, and I couldn't make myself do that. It was probably one of the best things to happen to me. I'm with someone new, and learning lots of new stuff - and also learning I'm not near so pathological as I believed when I was with her. And I wonder about why I hung on so long. I want to say I won't do that again, but I'm not sure that's true.
I wish you grace as you go through this.
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