I get the feeling that dissociation is not a good thing. I dissociate a lot. I can't seem to remember where I "go" mentally and I'm quite content to just "go".

I have a feeling this is gonna come up in T next week. I feel like I should feel bad about it, but I don't. To make matters worse I simply prefer to dissociate.

DOES THIS EVEN MAKE SINCE TO ANYONE?

Let me tell you real briefly what happened. 20 years ago I was raped repeatedly for 9 months. When I got married, well before I got married, I was sketchy in what I told my H about this. After being married for 18 years the reminder in the back of my mind of the rape is surfacing.

The issue is I dissociate when my H and I make love. I am totally elsewhere. I don't know where. Sometimes I think about the kids, house work, the kids school, feeding my animals. I do not want to be there mentally w/ my H. Ofcourse this affects the quality of our sex life. So much of the time I simply go away mentally and have no idea where I have been.

I'm afraid to let myself go there. I'm afraid to feel. I'm afraid to be available. I
just don't know what will happen.

Has anyone been in this stage of life. Is dissociating really that bad. I'd like to hear what your opinion is, what you have been told by T's or simply what you think.