hi faith,
thank you for posting this. i can identify with a lot of what you say, especially about coming across as strong and in control and inside all you want is for someone to hold and protect you and make it better.
i also seem to spend a lot of my life reaching out and trying to comfort others and i really feel for them but when it comes to myself its so much harder, often impossible to do that for myself.
do you find it scary to not be able to tell what feelings are real or pretense? cos for me sometimes its really frightening. like if i cant be sure if what im feeling and sometimes thinking is pretense because im so into this 'character' i create of myself to fit with other people and function in the world then how can i be real? i dont have any answers to that...
i wish i had the words to help you now but its too close to whats going on with me so i cant see straight. all i can say is my thoughts are with you.
biiv