Boy does that sound familiar. Mine started three decades ago with short breaks in between. After a while, you start to fear the coming of day. Every step takes so much energy that you feel like a walking zombie. By the end of the day, all you want to do is shut the world out.

I lost a good friend to drugs a year and a half ago, so i know the damage drugs leave behind. I can understand why you would be wary of using any. I think people are over medicated these days as it is. GPs are perscribing anti-depressants, drugs that were once only perscribed by psychiatrists. The drugs are newer now, but they aren't cure alls and not everyone on them needs them. Only someone with training in that area should make that determination. I can't take them period. They floor me. Even the new ones.

When I was eighteen, I used to run a dojo, (karate school), for the owner. I remember one summer afternoon when the place was empty, sitting behind the counter and looking at my reflection across the room in a wall mirror and thinking, I'm looking at a dead man.

I don't know how you feel about animals, but sometimes a personal dog or cat that you form a bond with can keep you getting up in the morning. They need you, but at the same time will love you unconditionally. They force you to come out from inside yourself, and even if its only a little, its a start. I know its hard to keep climbing out of that hole, almost making it to the top only to feel the earth give under you and slide back down into the dark. Its a lifetime struggle for many of us, but know that you are not alone in your darkness.

Sam2