In answer to shattered sanity: Of course, I'm filled with a sense of hopelessness and lack of motivation, but is that Depression or is that a natural response to repeated trauma? Wouldn't anyone, no matter how mentally fit they started out, become hopeless and unmotivated after trying and trying and trying with all their heart only to get little or no positive results? No, I'm not a drunk or a drug addict, but far away from where I'd like to be.

To Lauru: Thank you for the encouragement and the beautiful words. I wish I could take it into my heart that that's why I'm here. I've sincerely tried. But it seems like every time I've made anything remotely resembling "progress," I get knocked flat down. And now at 56, it's too hard to get back up. Maybe God doesn't want me to be here anymore, and I need to accept that now?