It's been 20 years for me and I still have dreams about my mom and I still cry all the time. I think it is only natural that you feel this way and not to be hard on yourself. I think that maybe she visits you as an angel in your dreams and you should just remember that you have your angel baby in heaven forever. Just like my mom is my angel mom and sometimes she visits me in my dreams. It's not much, but sometimes it's all we have.