Ok, so background.. I've been si'ing since 2005, used to post here in 2010. I eventually left since I felt unable to give support and didn't want to ask for any in that case, though I also joined another forum right after, though not about SI. I was able to stop just this June when I opened myself up to loving someone (who became my best friend). After I told him I loved him, I didn't want to hurt myself anymore. I would just imagine how worried he would be about me. Since June, I've had two relapses, one in October, and one just today, both involving fights with my dad as a trigger. We normally have a good relationship, but he tends to raise his voice and seem like shouting when he's arguing something, and I tend to get frustrated with him and lose my temper, which I hate.

I just did one cut today. I was crying so much all the way to work (he drives me). When I got there, I went straight to the bathroom and cried some more and texted my best friend about what happened. I had been thinking about going to the clinic, wanting to ask to see a psychiatrist or something. I feel so helpless with controling my emotions. I did go to the clinic right after, at least just for my cut. I've never done anything like that before, I would just let it be, or just wash away the blood (I don't cut deep though). I showed the nurse my cut, and she asked where I got it, and I said "cutter", and she deduced from there and asked me more questions. I found it hard to explain why I do it, and felt like I misled her and she got the wrong idea about what the underlying issue was, but she suggested I talk with someone in HR who had counseling experience. She was really nice to me and let me sleep in the clinic the whole morning to rest before I went up to report to work. I felt a bit bad, like I was taking up time and resources over a trivial matter. She treated it really seriously though. I just feel like crying right now.