**sigh** Made it through the toughest day this week. Meetings went extremely well, very successful.

I received nice feedback from my colleagues this morning that I seemed "calm and cool" all day yesterday: not stressed out at all.

That is good, because there were a few moments where my observation skills were incredibly tested:

My mother called me at 7AM while I was rushing to the caterer and said she didn't know how to get ahold of me ... and wanted to send me an email. I told her I am where I always am and if anything changed I would let her know - and I was incredibly stressed because of the big meeting and please don't send it until after the day because I could not manage anything else. She said "ok" and we tried to chat for a minute (which was the fatal flaw), and she cut me off and said "I don't want to hear it" and hung up on me.

Then, in the middle of the shoot, some of my colleagues decided to stand around to watch (right in the line of sight of the subject(s) so I had to ask them to move along - and remind the entire office to not linger outside of the area and not make a big deal. *sigh* (we ARE professionals here, right?)

Then, later in the afternoon, it took everything I was made of to: NOT REACT, storm out of here and never come back.

The biggest boss of the company, French guy, yelled at me (for a small miracle I accomplished, and said ***which is real world-land was totally appropriate and called for ***) my work was "stupid". With a French accent. It was like nails on a chalkboard.

Finally, the day ended and I left here last in a daze. Drove home (don't remember much) and went to sleep. Woke up at 3:30a feeling very "hung over". Just running on pure energy for days and nights and then, boom. done. over. I forgot all about these types of days and nights. they used to be fun and without anxiety attacks and fainting.

The boundaries seemed to be working well, though, with my brother. He stayed far away from me and vice versa, except for work-related stuff and spoke to me appropriately. (the other one tag-teamed though when he said "stuuupeeed" )

But all in all, I showed up. I was terrified and feeling incredibly horrible but I showed up.

I truly appreciate all the support and the ideas of observation (snake charming) from you! It helped a lot.

And I have my last appt (forever) tomorrow with my Pdoc (before he retires)

And I have a call in to a T to refer me to another Pdoc - that is NOT $450 for one hour

Boundaries. I had to tell someone today flat out "no". After she completely ignored me the first AND second time(s). She acts VERY entitled.

I AM starting to see things, though, from an observation standpoint and not through my twisted "lenses" on how things should be.

thank you again