I DO NOT WANT TO GO ON SATURDAY. I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU. I DON'T WANT TO TALK.

I AM SO FRUSTRATED AND DESPAIRING. I AM BACK AT SQUARE 1. My walls are up SO high. There is so much bottled up inside me. I feel like I am going to burst. But I can't let it out. I don't feel safe anymore.

That way I view things, it takes twice as long to make up for something. For example, get a bad night sleep, it takes two good ones to feel rested and back on track. It took me a yr to get to where we were. I can't wait two yrs for things to get better again. I don't think I would be able to make it. I feel so upset and so distraught and so unstable.