I can't move back before the baby is born because I have to work, I need my health insurance. I also have to have medical treatment after the baby is born because I have stage 3 precancerous cervical cells that were found my first OB visit. So much to deal with. So stressed out. As long as this baby has a home and is cared for that is all that matters. But my son has no one because I'm not there. I left him, I abandoned him. I chose someone over him. How could I have done that to him? I don't know this baby yet, I don't love this baby. I don't want this baby. That's how I feel. People give up babies all the time.