It seems like the only time I log into PC is when things are going horribly in my life. In my defense, I would log on more often to offer others support, but I was without the internet for awhile, so that sort of prevented me from doing so.

You guys, I hate repeating this periodic panic/freak-out/whatever. If given the opportunity to completely numb myself with medication so that I would never have to go through this again, I would do so in a heartbeat.

I recently moved (well semi-recently in August) to a place where I knew no one, but my mom. Since nearly graduating college (except for 1 class, which I'm taking this spring!), and unsuccessfully finding a job in the town I had lived in basically my entire life, I have virtually no friends, a boyfriend that may or may not be gay - but is most likely still cheating on me, and I am very fearful about my future in terms of my goal to attend a science-oriented professional school.

Basically, I feel like I'm living in my own idea of hell on earth. The things that I'm experiencing right now are the things I have always feared the most - no friends, no boyfriend, no future. The only person I have in my life that is good to me is my mom, and I'm constantly so afraid that something will happen to her.

Really, once again, I have no idea why I'm even posting this. I don't really expect anyone to respond to it. Also, I think I may have already made this post too long, which is probably an instant turn-off for anyone attempting to read it.

If you respond to nothing else in my post, please tell me this: what do you do when everything you've tried to control in your life begins to fall apart? Do you do the opposite of everything you've done before? Do you move ahead without looking back? Do you just accept it and try to make the best of things?

If I continue living in this town, I may very well become a shut-in. Outside of work, I basically am one. Really. This was not supposed to be my life.

Please help me. I have no one else to talk to about my problems except for my mom, and I don't want to burden her with them. Other than that, my boyfriend doesn't have time to listen or doesn't want to or doesn't care, and I am way too afraid to ever try to open up to any of my friends about my problems because I'm afraid they won't like me anymore.

Basically, I am afraid of everything, EVERYTHING, all of the time.

Thank you for any help you can provide. Seriously.

Also, I want to add that I feel very guilty posting anything like this in lieu of the tragedy earlier today. I will continue to pray for all of those children and adults. It is completely unspeakable.