Okay, so I'm not sure if what I'm going through is normal or not but I genuinely feel like I'm going insane at this point in my life. I've been living with my girlfriend (who says this is all just low self-esteem) for the past 5 months and we've going to school for our first semester. She has a job that was transferred and I haven't been able to get one yet. It was fine for the first couple months but at this point I have such a hard time committing myself to any task. Every time I get close to getting a job I never end up getting it and I end up trying even less. I find no interest in the classes I HAVE to take and really dislike my academic life. (even though I have plenty of academic interests). I feel totally dependent on my girlfriend and often find it difficult to make a decision or even be content without her. I complain to her all the time about my life but I never seem to do anything about it. I sit home when she leaves for work and pretty much zone out and get nervous about the idea of actually doing something. My life feels like its in a bubble right now and i'm at a total stall. Previously, I have always dealt with Pure O and social anxiety but at this point its changed. I guess you could say that I have been having panic attacks but I didn't realize what they were until my gf (who used to have them) told me what it was. I would start obsessing on my thoughts of becoming insane, isolated forever, schizophrenic etc. and before I knew it I would be trembling and crying. I feel pathetic. I cuddle up to her and truly feel like I am never going to come back from this attack and constantly ask for reassurance that this is normal and im not losing it. For days, I was on the verge of having another one and felt like everything was un-real or that I wasn’t actually part of my body and self-medicated myself until I visited with my family for Thanksgiving. It was a great, grounding experience and when we came back from Thanksgiving it was like we were on some magical honeymoon together. I promised myself I wouldn't let myself fall into that rut again but I have and spend my days looking up things about schizo symptoms and obsessing. I really want to make friends but I don’t know how if I don't live in a dorm. I talked with my mom and she has been a great support (she had similar issues when we lost my step-dad). I'm planning to visit my family once again for Xmas and once I return I plan to get serious about a job and stay positive. I am really sorry if this was hard to read! It’s just the first time I have really been able to talk about this so it is probably unclear at times. Thank You.