I feel like I am not coping and In truth I have started SI again.... After almost 11 months of not doing it and swearing I wouldnt do it again. I lied. I feel dirty, unstable, suicidal, shameful, depressed, stupid, bitter, self loathing and I feel too ashamed and pride smothered to reach out to my therapist because I would then have to dig deeper, explain and sink lower into these feelings in order to work on all of this plus more issues.
I sometimes think that if I didnt have anyone to consider my choices would be very different.

I almost didnt post this but forced myself to click send because I am hoping this whatever it is will help me somehow by putting out there.

Sorry to anyone I may have triggered.