EASY WAY OUT!!??

Not hardly. Perhaps 20 years ago I had a very elaborate suicide plan that took years to work through. It was not easy by any means. I tried to make sure that every aspect of my life's responsibilities would be well taken care of with insurance, a will, etc. Every detail down to how to relight the furnace pilot light was carefully recorded in a book.

At the time I was inadequately treated and did not want more of the then terrible meds. Their side effects were almost as bad as the depression, which was very long and very bleak. I could just not see how any change in anything could ever make life worth while. It was only for my family responsibilities that I continued on, knowing that I was slowly mitigating those issues, too.

It finally got to where I was actively searching for a terrible car accident that someone else would clearly have caused, where I simply would fail to react to save myself. Today, tonight, there is a denial that is keeping me from recalling what turned the tide. But, that is ok, as I am mostly ok most of the time, and glad to have had the extra years for a lot of fun.

I just wanted to dismiss that notion that it is "easy."