This is very difficult for me to speak of. Part of my recovery if you will, after leaving my job was to visit a child care facitity frequently and spend time with infants. Staff changes, rotates each year so a new person was there. I know her, have known her since she was 8. For the past few months I have been aware that my alarm bells go off when I see her. Insincere, don't turn your back etc.

Yesterday I had stopped in and had a visit with some adults and a new baby. His mom came and she and I engaged in mommy conversation about kids who are exclusively nursed. He is 8 months and not eating any solids or taking a cup or bottle so the transition has been rough.

Anyway, long story short it seems this staff member went to the director and complained to him about boundaries with "volunteers". She was away from the baby room for 1.5 hours leaving 1 staff with infants. I was in the infant room holding a small baby whom a staff person had handed to me as he was not waking up and not going back down for a nap. This young woman walks in and tells me she doesn't want babies beening held while they are sleeping and puts him on the floor where he immediately starts crying, He had been half awake and is 3,5 months old. At this point she says to the other staff that she had been speaking with the director about volunteers and parents and boundaries. I went over to her and clearly stated that her insecurities are not my concern, that her fears would be over as I would not be back. I was hurt, vulnerable, pissed. I left.

I was quite upset and attempted to call the director to say I wouldn't be back and that he had a situation with an insecure person, not with me. He kept trying to interrupt me and say he wanted to speak with me at , did not have time then,I said no, I needed no additional stress in my life that being there in the past had been a gift and that I was not going to deal with unnecessary stress. The end.

I was really upset, hubby had a play rehearsal so I wouldn't see much of him and I felt overwhelmed with the care and feeding of kid and animals. I skipped stories and felt like a monster as that is such a part of our routine. I called the first woman I had worked with there and asked her if I was intimidating to her, (one complaint) she said heck no, she appreciated the help and company and that i loved her babies. She said she was not surprised that this was happening and that there were political, petty things happening there with staff. She offered that she was uncomfortable going into that room and felt unwelcome.

It's been hurting me. I was determined not to have anyone accuse me of anything wrong especially when this was something I had done for pleasure. I have not been there much because of child and shoulder.

I know these are her issues but I live in a very small community and her mother used to care for my diabled foster daughter who died in 1999. At the point where she was supposed to be caring for her my daughter was supposed to be in a school setting and they had this stupid little apartment program and she used to smoke in the car and around my kid constantly. I complained till my face turned blue. It was against the law and no one cared, it gave my daughter bad reflux disease.

Anyway that is the background. Meanwhile my feelings are so hurt and I have skipped P.T. and done a lot of sleeping. Just had a total change of bed as little one peed and suddenly I had this warm feeling. Oh the joys of life. A little extra laundry and it's all set.

So just venting for perspective. I am humiliated, embarrassed, ashamed, scared, angry... Maybe I could keep going.