I am terribly sad right now. I had my final appt with my Pdoc yesterday afternoon. He is retiring. The office gave me a copy if my records for my next Pdoc. I was dsm dx with major depression, severe anxiety and bpd. Nobody ever mentioned BPD. I have been reading up on it, and I am very shocked and saddened by it. I dont know what to make of it...I feel labeled and damaged. I am very sad.

I thought all of the horrible life experiences contributed to the symptoms of depression and anxiety. But I did not know I was walking around with a big sign on my forehead that announced to the world "BPD".

I have been living in a bubble: a giant lie. To myself. I feel as if my efforts in life and who I thought I was (a survivor of circumstances. Someone dealt a really crappy hand in life).

Not an eff'd up person I dont feel relieved. I feel as if another part of my soul/spirit has been trampled on. And a part of me has died. That part of me that I thought was intelligent and a survivor. BPD feels like such an ugly label. I feel ashamed and ugly.

I didnt realize I was born and presenting to the world labeled and broken.

Is there hope?