Hang in there FaithisAlive. I couldnt read all of it but skimming I got the juist of it and you are not alone I too have a fleeting memory or two about a family member in a suicidal state of mind. Its never easy. On the one side we want out of that situation and on the other wanting to protect that person so do what we must to keep them from acting out their suicidal statements and yet hating ourselves for not doing anything but going along with what that suicidal person wanted and being angry at ourself, the situation and that suicidal person. I have no advice but just wanted to let you know you are not alone w ith this type of memory.Hang in there.