Sanity Doll, thanks for the reply.
To invite the bf up isn't an option, the house is a pit, and I'd need more than a little shower to look half decent. My hair is long, it hasn't been washed, doing that, then the tedious straightning, takes ages.
I'd need a day to get ready, I really am a mess.

What keeps me alive ? Now there's a question, and I can't answer it.
I hate my life. I'm scared, I'm 52. I could live another 40 years.

From our messages, S.S. I know you find joy and satisfaction in your music, dvds and games. I don't. Since I found this place, I'm here, every day.

How do I get out of this mess? It's nearly a week til christmas, and I've done nothing, I probably won't bother either. If my son buys a turkey I'll cook it, otherwise I won't go shopping.

What a mess