Thank you both. My doctor actually took me off some of my meds, and only left me with the ones that help me sleep which I dont like to take because I'm the only one here to wake to my son except for the few days his dad stays round. And now my doctor is on annual leave so I cant even go see him to get my meds back. I'm at the top of the list now to receive this therapy so hopefully it will happen soon.

Yesterday was an AWFUL day. I started getting terrible thoughts about my boyfriend and the girl he was seeing when he split up in November.

I started to feel so depressed, worthless. She's an Ann Summers rep, so I threw out everything I had from there. Started thinking things like how she probably has loads of sexy outfits and toys and he probably loved it, how I'm probably no where near good enough for him.

I didnt tell him what was bothering me because it would have only caused arguments. He came over, and then just *****ed about the fact that I was barely talking to him. I just sat there silently. Everytime he *****ed I would tell him I'm having a bad day. He knows who I was thinking about, and probably knows why I was so upset, but made no sort of effort to make me feel better. I dont think he has quite got to grips with the fact that I am ill, I cant help how I feel sometimes, and that I do get into dark depressing moods, or have violent outbursts that I just cant pull myself out of with the snap of his fingers.

Today was better. I was still upset, and still thought about "her" every now and then, but it didnt ruin my day. I just hope tomorrow I will have completely forgotten.