I think for me part of the most healing part of therapy is sticking through those times and not quitting. It really helps to find out things can get bad (there can be disconnection, or even miscommunication) and things can still get better again. T can still remain consistent, stable, solid, reliable, patient, while they help us to build up that trusting relationship again...and that's such a healing thing. It doesn't mean this sort of difficulty will never happen again. Each time this sort of thing happens, it is bad...but gradually you learn to use the experience of surviving the last time...and the next time it happens it's a tiny bit less awful. I think gradually that sort of learning helps more and more with every day life.

I can understand why you struggled. I even think T understands why you struggled. I've also heard my T having happy exchanges with people before me, and then a really sad low session with me. She really wants to be completely there for me in the hour I need her. I bet your T is the same, and laughter with someone doesn't always signal a better or closer relationship...so try not to worry too much abut that. You can get back to that place in your relationship with T where you're able to laugh, trust and connect. I hope you let her work back towards that with you. I really think it's so worth it.