Sweetheart, the most useful thing I've found to be and do is educate myself.
1) who am I and how do I work?
2) who is "out there somewhere" that needs support that I can give
3) how can I further any education I am capable of to be able to help others better somewhere down the road.

I spent my life - and had a nasty, dark reminder yesterday - thinking I was worth nothing and of no value. I was constantly thinking I'd done something wrong... that many things that happened I was going to get in truoble for. Sometimes it was my own guilty conscience at not doing something I should have done, or maybe I had done something wrong... the point is, I made it too big and painted myself more "bad" than I was, but it affected everything.

I don't want to get wordy... We are who we are, and the most I can figure, the purpose in it is to have true empathy to help others - not just pat them on the head with some useless and unhelpful socially-correct term.

Hang in there! You're not alone.
One of my best weekends was spent on you-tube learning about other aspies and what they think, how they are. It was encouraging, and helped me choose to focus on a mental health combined with criminal justice career.

So many people stuck: either can't solve their problems and end up in trouble, or already "in the system" with no way out.

I want to help others, I just have to be patient and "get educated" first.
In the mean time, I "hug" people online with words, and it's been interesting meeting others who are like me.

I like the "being smart" part, I'm OK with "being different", I choose only one or two special people to relate to instead of needing to be friends with everyone I meet, I try not to get too clingy with the special ones, and focus on my beautiful and unconditionally-loving dog to help on the bad days.

I figure if I deal with my own problems - mostly meaning not letting my own negative life affect my attitude - someday there may be someone who understands me and I can relate to. Only time can tell, I'm sorry to say.

The depression days are pretty crummy, but I do what I can to keep my mind-set focused on the good in my life (mostly school right now). It's hard, but I try to face only one problem at a time, made the decision for this moment, ask people I trust if I'm doing OK (because I'm not a good judge of that), then take the next step.

Once a very lovely lady said to me "be very very kind to yourself - this is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life" and I try to remind myself of that every day, because just living my life every day is difficult.

I love you because I can hear myself in your struggles.
Please be kind to yourself, take one breath, and decide what needs to be done right now. Find one good thought, and hold on tight.