Wow, I feel that way a lot, but didn't realize that others did. When my sister-in-law passed away earlier this year, I remember thinking how lucky she was because she didn't have to try to figure out life anymore. I was definitely jealous, but pangs of guilt for feeling that way surfaced later on. Almost every day I spend large sections of time thinking about not being here anymore, just falling asleep, and not waking up, you know?